25 January 2008 - 6:00Why Vegans Scare Me

That’s right, vegans and vegetarians scare me, I believe they are slowly trying to undermine not only my ability to eat meat, but any food at all.

The question is what happens when vegans win, when we stop eating meat, they are going to tell us to stop eating any vegetable with animal like features. If you want corn, no dice, it had ears. Luckily lettuce is okay, as long as you get the leafy stuff, but a head of lettuce and you’re heading to hell (oh yeah, pun!).

The downfall of the vegetable movement is the venus flytrap, because a plant that eats meat and will confuse them into submission. We should build statuses to the venus flytrap, in evolution this is the plant that paved the way for us meat eaters.

…Weird, I wrote this one twice, here is the other version:

I’m afraid of vegans, because what happens after that once they’ve won the battle against us eating anything delicious. Sure you may think you like fruit, but you only like it when they clear cut a forest to grow it, and to clear cut the forest animals died, therefore fruit in most cases equals meat.

I imagine once vegans win this battle they will move on and not allow us eat vegetables that have human features. Maybe it’s a nice fall evening and you were thinking of having corn for supper, no dice, it has ears. Lettuce? Okay, was long as you get the leafy stuff, but it’s still immoral to eat a lettuce head.

How can we fight back? Simple, when you are at the grocery store arrange the fruits, vegetables and grains to look like an animal so the vegans will be scared off an unable to eat them, sooner of later this group runs out of food, then we can all move on with our lives.

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